Anonymity

Sometimes I wish my blog were totally anonymous. In reality, I think I have one reader and she knows who I am. And who would be surprised by that, since it's been 5 months since I last posted?

It seems that the anonymity would let me be more honest, would give me more of an outlet. I guess it's why people post in places like F My Life and Truu Confessions. Sometimes you have something in your heart that doesn't seem right for your circle of friends to know about.

Sometimes we don't want to share in order to protect others in our lives, or probably more often to protect ourselves. But the blogs I love the most (and I know there's SOMEONE they know reading them, right?) are brutally frank, not about politics or anything outside themselves, but about life and, harder still, their own feelings about life.

I am honestly not sure I am ready for that, so let me start like this. Life is HARD sometimes. No matter how blessed we are to have them, marriage, motherhood and work can be trying. Exhausting. Not the kind of exhausting I experienced when I used to work 80-hour weeks and then continue the weekend in the same way. Not the kind of exhausting I ever even felt on just a couple hours of sleep a night, even when that was due to depression. This is a kind of exhausting that I never knew, that can only come with the responsibility of people's lives on your head and shoulders and in your heart at all times. The kind there is no break from.

It's an exhaustion some people would die for, I know. I know. I know.